I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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