ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
false alarm, still single
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
