dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
