What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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