What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
