I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Randomize
