Operation Purity has been aborted
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize