Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
