i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
