hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I have feelings that need drinking.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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