I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
What did we do last night that was yellow?
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize