Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
it's great music for shaving your balls
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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