yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
