Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize