do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
