they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
