I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Randomize
