Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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