Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
