Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize