y did u give ur computer a hand job?
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
You were trust falling into bushes
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Randomize
