you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
All the doctor said was why
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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