I accidentally burped into my bong.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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