He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I would ride that face into the sunset
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
