I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
