I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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