Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Randomize
