I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
