I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
