We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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