Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Randomize
