my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
