imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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