it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
