And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
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