I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
