I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I have fence marks all over my body
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
