i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
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