My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
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