somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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