I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
