i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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