we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Found your dick twin last night
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
