Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
