I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize