I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Blood and glitter go together right?
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
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