Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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