some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
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