Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
