It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize