Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
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