just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Randomize