We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Randomize
