The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I'm too high and old for this...
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Randomize
