worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
