We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
