Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
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