my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Barsexuality is the new black.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
