Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Randomize
