I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
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