just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
