there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Randomize
