So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
