I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
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