I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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