just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
