Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize
