She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
