no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Randomize
